1. Those clouds after the storm. Everything glowed golden.
2. Veggie quiche. I can’t believe how those boys ate!
3. Playing Pokemon with Ellis. Yes, I bought myownself a deck. He wins more than I do.
4. Getting more sleep. My body lets me sleep until 6:30 now.
5. This circle. You and you and you and me and you and you.
May we walk in Beauty!
Here are some more things that I wrote at the Monastery:
6-15-15, Wernersville Jesuit Center
When I left the beech tree, I thought I would go sit on a bench beside a cobbled patio to put on my sandals, then find the labyrinth on my map. The patio turned out to be the labyrinth.
Thinking about the animals that have come to my visions this year. Lynx came to me at the year’s turning. Macaw dropped me a feather. Lioness and jaguar have both been reaching me in dreams and waking dreams–their messages are about leadership and impeccability. This morning as I left the boys, a swallow flew low overhead. And here in this place, catbird seems to be following me around.
In the main stairway, every time I go up and down the steps, I feel a need to greet the statue of Jesus with the open heart every time I pass him on the first floor landing. “Hi, Jesus!”
This morning as I walked away from some contemplative time in the Cathedral of the Weeping Beech, I thought I saw a bird dying, thrashing in the grass a small distance from the gazebo. A soft light caught the twitching, and as I walked closer, the energy did not seem to be about distress. Suddenly it resolved in my vision into a fawn–the twitching wings were ears. It was a small one settling in to wait for the mother, shaking the little bugs out of its eyes.
Walking this afternoon: “What makes you sad?” ask the trees. I ask this question of myself, but somehow, it takes on new shades of meaning in their language. I tell them all of it, how it hurts me when natural disasters happen, but that the things that make me saddest are the things the people do to hurt each other and the Earth. Not just the intentional hurts, but the hurts born of people’s greed and lack of desire to know and to notice.
“What makes you angry?” the trees asked me then. And many of the things were the same. Perhaps I need to learn to differentiate better between my emotions.
Something in these questions from the trees unlocks doors within myself that I couldn’t seem to open before.
I was carrying the weight of these things with me when I reached the Mary statue, and something profound happened to me there. I suddenly felt as though I knew about how her heart is broken again and again and again. How she holds it all. There she is, holding the Babe of wonder, her face filled with love for this Child of Promise. There she is, holding the body of the young man, her son, her face filled with love and grief. The serenity of her face holds within it the extremes of wonder and grief, love and anguish, that she knew. She pondered these things in her heart: was she pondering how the act of opening herself to great love also opened herself to great grief? But choosing to do it anyway, joyfully, because love is always worth it, and our hearts were made large enough and strong enough to hold it ALL. I wept and wept and wept, holding on to her feet and looking out with her over the valley.
I need to keep making the story my own.